Fear
by Yanastyjackal
Summary: Clara and The Doctor only have each other, and as their personal problems grow, Clara's echoes re-emerge, bringing up an issue they chose to forget. The only thing they can do is stay together. (Dark, AU, Character exploration, friendship)
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

It was cold. Freezing actually, but the adrenaline shooting through her body was enough to keep the chill at bay, a huge smile plastered on her face as she ran through the corridors of the temple.

"Clara! Clara speak to me! Where are you" A harsh but desperate Scottish voice shouted into her ear through the com.

"Don't worry Doctor, I can take care of myself" She laughed, her voice slightly out of breath from running.

"I'll be the judge of that! Now tell me where you are, I can't locate you on the base map" The doctor shouted again, the fear in his voice not at all reduced by her assurances.

"I'm on the ground level, I'm looking to see if I can find anything in the tombs about the missing children. When I went into the town to look around, all the women said the children went there before they disappeared"

"It's not safe Clara! You know what happens to people who go down there!"

"What happens to the men! I have a theory that whatever is happening is not targeting the women! They are the only ones coming out of here alive!" She argued, as she started to develop a stitch.

"What proof do you have? That is NOTHING Clara! I will not allow anything to happen to you, but that means you have to do as you're told and come back her RIGHT NOW!" He bellowed into her ear, and a small part of her was tempted to yank the communicator out of her ear, but instead, she stood frozen, the words echoing in her head.

Do as you're told.

She was afraid, that was true. Her theory had no real evidence to back it up. The men who entered the temple to try and find their children were always returned mangled, their eyes scratched out and horror etched upon their faces. Yet the women left unharmed – but never again spoke another word, shown generation after generation as the centuries went on and history repeated itself. A child went missing into the temple and the parents did they only thing they could and looked for them, despite knowing exactly what the results would be.

But fear was the only thing she had left. That night she had seen what her future could have been, seen the Doctor's past, she had learned the lesson she herself taught the Doctor. Fear is a constant companion. It would never leave her, even when others did – Her mother, Danny… The Doctor. He left her all the time, even if inside his own head. However, she would never leave him, and so that was why she was jogging through the cavernous temple. The Doctor felt guilt more intensely than anyone, and she knew it was only a matter of time before he went down to the temple himself, and she would not allow him to die – It was the promise they made each other.

Do as you're told – It was a silent agreement made between them that if one of them said it, the other was to obey. But recently she had broken it many times, because her place was not beside him as an equal, despite the face he was her best friend. She was his protector, she always had been, no matter how impossible the situation, because if she did not, no one would.

At this point, she knew him too well. He had said that their excursion to this tiny forested planet was completely at random, but the TARDIS showed her a completely different story. Despite their dislike of one another, Clara and the Tardis held the same aim – protect the doctor. And so, with this aim in mind, the TARDIS would often show Clara things she was not supposed to.

In this particular instance, the information presented to Clara was a message:

 _It took my children. It took my children. You left me here to rot._

 _Help me._

Directly below the message was a symbol. As hard as she concentrated, she couldn't get her head around it. I was almost as if something was blocking it from her head. Clara was shocked by the message – The Doctor never willingly left anyone behind, and definitely never with malicious intent like implied.

However, she had seen the darkness fall over his face as they exited the TARDIS and surveyed their surroundings. She had seen that face so many times, it hurt her to see his pain.

In the tumultuous months following his regeneration, The Doctor had often asked her if he was a good man. If she was completely honest she didn't believe she was the best one to answer that question, as she often found herself doing things she never would have done before; Lying came easy. But she knew him, she knew his forever as the memories of the other Clara's came to her in dreams. She knew she never caused harm to those who didn't deserve it - or on purpose as least. He was the best man she knew.

And so, seeing the guilt on his face, she knew that she had to save him, even if from himself, because when he had that face, he went into noble self-destruct mode, and she would much rather she take on that role than he be hurt.

Collecting herself and taking deep breaths, just as he had once told her to do, she replied "I will be back soon, don't worry about me doctor, I always find my way back"

Clara ignored the shouts in her ear, which were beginning to devolve into vastly imaginative and profanity-laden insults. She tuned him out, instead focusing on her surroundings. She was not an idiot – The worst thing she could do would be to remove it.

In fact, the main reason she was going down into the depths of the temple was so that the Doctor could observe what was below. All machinery that attempted to go into the temple and film it immediately stopped working. Before she and the Doctor had entered the upper temple in the beginning to explore it as it was a safe zone, he had installed organic neuro transmitters into their heads made from the TARDIS, which would beam whatever they were seeing onto the console, and also functioned as a communicator. He hadn't realised she would go down there by herself with the express intention of preventing him from entering. She knew his logic would tell him the best way of helping her was to observe.

The temple was getting darker now, even the luminescent crystals lining the walls were barely lighting her way, as after centuries of disrepair, many had fallen from the walls and smashed, the fragments crunching under her boots as she jogged through the cavernous ruins.

The Doctor had told her this planet used to worship Gods, old primeval Gods that were based around basic staples of life. Hunger, Life, Death. The original inhabitants were – to her surprise – human, and the Doctor had said he had puzzled over their origins there for a long time with no answer found. However, following the colonization by a species of benevolent aliens, the ancient religion was lost, but the temple remained as a gesture of respect to the Tahlei – the people of the planet. In its place, a new religion was found, with particular focus on symmetry and pairs, leading to a thousand years of peace due to the hatred of the chaos of war.

Despite this peacetime, a shadow remained upon the Tahlei. A child was taken annually, and despite their devotion to their new religion, the Tahlei still followed some of the old ways, as their own attempts to bring down the temple resulted in more deaths, more grief. More pain.

When she and the Doctor had spoken to the people of the village next to the temple, they had fearfully spoken of their experiences. Eyes often went to corners where silent female relatives sat silently, as they had for likely many years. When she had tried to ask questions, the people refused to answer her, just staring. At first she had grown angry, believing their staring to be due to gender (as it had been many times). But looking closer into their eyes, she recognised it as reverence, which disturbed her more than anything.

The Tahlei were more disturbed than they had ever been, because for the first time, a distraught mother searching for her child had not returned.

She had seen no one that could potentially be the person who had sent the message, as she watched the Doctor like a hawk, following him even when he didn't realize it to make sure he didn't meet with anyone.

Frustration had built over the past two days as he had tried over and over to conceive of an answer to the problems without going into a dangerous position. She had done her part, listening to his lectures and giving her 2 cents when it was needed. But in the end, he reached the same conclusion she had almost as soon as they had heard the story.

"Someone needs to go down there – someone needs to see it and know why this is happening"

The Tahlei were appalled. To go down there without the excuse of a loss of child was appalling, and had developed into a ritual for the community. They had persuaded the Doctor to collect supplies before going down – Giving Clara the opportunity she needed to enter before he realised she was gone.

The corridor was getting narrower, and Clara felt the hairs on the back of her neck begin to rise as she heard a crooning noise from the distant end of the corridor, where a greater light was shining.

Clara felt the beginnings of a headache settle on her head, as she struggled to move her feet after slowing to a stop. Butterflies began in her stomach – this was strange, this only happened when she was getting memories of her 'selves'.

Struggling forward, the crooning grew louder, and she began to hear soft sobs accompanying it.

She was not prepared for what awaited her as she entered the chamber. Bones were scattered all over the floor, completely cleaned of flesh, a putrid stench threatening to overcome her of centuries of rotting corpses. Small bodies lining the walls, nailed to them, in what Clara recognised as the female clothing of the Tahlei.

However, the sight that shocked her most as she struggled to keep her lunch down was the creature in the centre of the room. It was sitting cross-legged on the floor, cradling a female Tahlei, its rubbery looking pure white skin naked in the light of the crystals on the wall. It stroked her face as it chewed on something, with what she deduced was delight due to its humanoid build.

Clara choked on horror as she realized the creature was eating a part of a Tahlei child – the last child that was stolen a week before. This meant that the woman in the creatures clutches was the child's mother.

She hadn't realised her com had gone silent since she entered the room, but at her noise of devastation, and the creatures swift look up, her thoughts immediately went to the doctor.

"Oh dear God," She heard the Doctor whisper in her ear "Clara, you have to run!"

But she couldn't move. All she could do was stare, because as the creature had looked up, the woman had directly followed, allowing Clara to see her face.

A mirror. A copy. A Clara. She was here. And she was watching her son be eaten by a monster.

"You," she said, brokenly "I knew you'd come eventually"

The creature had not yet spoken, instead watching the exchange with dispassion. Clara merely stared at her double, still not comprehending what was happening.

"Clara! Please Listen! You need to get out of there! You know the only reason your doubles appear is to stop me from dying, as a sacrifice! You can't be sacrificed too! I won't allow it to happen!"

"What is your name?" Clara asked numbly, staring into her own eyes.

The duplicate scoffed "Does it really matter? All I am is a body! That is all I have ever been! I tried to live my life and be different, but all I got from it was a dead husband and my own son consumed in front of me while I am forced to watch. And here you are, as I know you would turn up at some point in my life and proven to me that I shouldn't have tried to matter, because the fall out has been more than I ever imagined. I am just a copy" She was shaking with anger, her eyes filled with tears as she stared at Clara with hate.

"I knew you would come, you and the Doctor eventually, but I needed it to be now. He won't let me go, He would have made me stay and watch him eat children for the rest of my life if I hadn't called the Doctor to me."

"How?" Clara croaked "How did you call him to you, how do you anything about us?"

The creature resumed stroking the duplicated face as she cringed, her sons blue blood smearing against her cheek, and Clara saw her fight the urge to wretch.

"This Place…" she faltered, swallowing "This place is special, it holds a special field of energy, ancient, older than time itself. I don't know what the beings that govern this place truly are, but they have power on this world. As a child I knew I was different. I thought differently, bled differently. As I grew older I had dreams. Dreams of lives I had never had. There was one common denominator – death. All of them – me, you – died to save him, the Doctor. When I first realized this, I was naïve. I believed this to be noble, I even wanted to save this man. But as I grew, fell in love, experienced life to the full, I realized it just wasn't _fair_ " The duplicate took a deep breath to try and collect herself before continuing.

"I knew it was coming, but I resented it. Why couldn't I live? And so I selfishly tried to ignore the fact that I would be a sacrifice and I could do nothing about it. I did the worst thing you could do on this planet, I had a child. My poor baby… Gone because I could not face the truth. And now I have nothing left. The Tahlei have always called me special, because I have almost not foreign blood. I am almost what you call 'human'. This is why I am alive. These beings, they revere the humans, they are their creations, their children. Any variation is sacrilege that is why the children are taken, as a punishment for having dirty blood. Men carry stronger foreign blood, and differ greater than the women especially regarding their reproductive capabilities and organs, whilst women are almost the same. The women are spared and the girls hung up as statues because they are closest that these creatures can find to human, until me. Until you"

Clara hadn't noticed other creatures stepping out of the shadows before it was too late. Their movements were stiff and reminded Clara of old-school zombies, but they moved with a grotesque grace that caused her to shriek when they began to touch her, the light shining off of their rubbery skin.

"The field which awakened me also gave me a level of power, I knew I had the means of contacting the Doctor through the TARDIS using this." Clara began to hyperventilate as she saw the look in her doubles eyes "I needed to die. After seeing my husband mutilated and my son eaten in front of me, and to be kept for this to happen over and over, I need my dignity. Let me die."

The double grew crazed, screaming her wish at the top of her lungs whilst the leader of the creatures smiled and tried to shush her. She eventually calmed, and spoke gain with an eerie stillness that scared Clara more than the screaming.

"Did you know that there is a symbol for us, spread throughout history, if you look hard enough. The girl who repeats. Over and over her face across space and time. It wasn't long before someone recognised us. The Tahlei in particular revere us, and they will never let us go, especially as they have a pair. I am so glad it is you here. This is your fault. You put me through this, and the Doctor will not let you suffer. We will die together, and the Doctor will mourn us"

Clara looked into the face of her double, wanting to feel anger, but all she felt was remorse. They were the same in so many ways, not just biologically. They had both lost everything, and were now willing to do horrific things to make the pain stop. She had tried to throw the Doctors keys away when Danny had died. She just wanted the emptiness to be gone, even if it meant costing the doctor his life, costing every living creature in the universe its life if it lost its protector, all because she was selfish.

She had been running from the duplicate situation for a long time now. She hadn't told the Doctor what she could remember, the guilt would be too great for him. He could barely think of it, even without the knowledge of thousands of deaths running around in her head. She had tried to turn herself into someone else, into the strongest person she knew – the Doctor. If she avoided herself she wouldn't have to think of the moral implications of what she had done to those girls, even if they were all her.

This duplicate was dark and twisty, she wanted Clara to feel pain because she had felt it, and Clara could not argue with that reasoning. Besides, if Clara was honest with herself, it would be good to feel something again other that her intrinsic need to save the Doctor, which had permeated her life even during her period of happiness with Danny.

"I'm so sorry," She said, her eyes closing and filling with tears. However, her reaction was not what the duplicate was expecting. There was no plea in her voice. Only acceptance of her fate – acceptance of death. Clara's tears spilled over, and she whimpered as the creatures touched them with their spindly fingers and licked them off.

"Doctor," Clara whispered "Are you there?"

"I'm here Clara," he whispered back "Don't listen to her, I'm going to save you! Just because she has to die, doesn't mean you have to! Don't give up hope!"

"I'm afraid" she said, feeling like a small child telling their parent about the monsters under their bed.

"Being afraid is okay, it can bring us together, my Clara. You are so strong. Make fear your strength, for me. For you. There is more to your life than me, even though I know you don't believe that. You need to survive because you have more meaning to me as someone who fights by my side every day and is a bit bossy and terrible at making tea, than a girl who died for me because she didn't try. She tried. She tried so hard, and I WILL get her what she needs, whatever that may be, but you are not destined for this. You deserve more than this death, this nightmare."

The communicator was designed to be heard by many, and so the duplicate had been watching Clara's reaction to every word, a shadow of regret clouding her features.

"Enough" said a deep voice, and Clara's head shot up to see the leader of the creatures looking straight at her.

This is my first real story, so I apologise for any mistakes or pacing issues as I am new to this, so please be gentle, but I really appreciate constructive criticism.

I wrote this because I am fascinated by the dynamic between the Doctor and Clara (as platonic friendship) and I believe she is one of – if not the best – companions, bar Sarah Jane and Donna. Sorry if the characters are too OOC, but I am pretty much making up the story as I go along, so if Clara seems too whiney then that is my mistake because she is a very strong and well crafted character.

Please Rate and Review, Thank You very much!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Clara resisted the urge to blink as she met the stare of the leader. She had seen many aliens in her time with the Doctor, lots not exactly pleasing to the eye. But this species, they made her want to gag. They were humanoid, unlike many of the aliens she had encountered throughout her time with the Doctor, but with all of the similarities between this race and her own, there was an intrinsic sense of _wrongness_ that filled her with dread, with fear, that made her afraid to look away.

She resected fear, knew it was her greatest ally, but in now threatened to overcome her.

"What do you want with us?" she whispered, forcing her mouth to move, the words sluggish with terror.

"We have been waiting for you. We have watched you, in your many forms, across the dimensions. You came to our realm, our space in-between spaces, beyond the physical and created yourself. Created a constant, a law, a cause and effect above the laws of the universe. A being who creates themselves over and over for the sake of love and the universe. We saw you. We saw you and we wanted you. When we created your race, you were but playthings. But your existence is beyond even us. Now we will create beings beyond all else – together." It spoke, certainty permeating every word, and with every word came anticipation for a terrible truth she did not yet know.

"What do you mean, together?" she asked, though she feared the answer.

"You are worthy of us, to create life, to grow it inside you. We will begin a new race and wipe out this planet, and all impurities throughout the many universes."

Whatever they were, they were insane, that she knew. They said they came from a higher realm, obviously saw themselves as Gods, but were they really? And if they were, did she have more to fear for than just her life? Did she once again have to fear for the universe, and by default the Doctor?

Even if she managed to defeat these beings, was this where is all ended? Her final destination that began when she set foot into the Doctors time stream.

She said nothing, and as she stared at the beings, she began to understand her dread. She understood it as recognition, as all the sigs she had come to understand as remembrance of her other lives engulfed her. Countless lives flashed before her eyes, their existences pain as they encountered and were collected by these beings.

And the eyes – she herself had seen them before.

 _I don't know where I am…_ It was her only thought as she had drifted through colours and shapes beyond apprehension. But then, a flash of terror, as she looked into the darkness and the darkness looked back – and wanted what it saw.

She thought once again of her other selves. The doctor (probably on purpose) had never shown her anywhere with clones, and she had never truly thought about their lives, their value. But now she did. Her other selves were clones of her, yes, but they were also different. She had accepted her decision to save the Doctor by jumping into his time stream, knew it had been the right choice, and her right to choose what to do with her life.

But, for the first time, she acknowledged that her choice was not merely her own. She had decided for an infinity. Decided that they should all die. Had she killed more than she saved by saving the doctor? Did the Clara's extend beyond her universe? The beings had said they existed through dimensions, did that mean, then, that she had condemned a whole 'race' of Clara's to terrible deaths, and, as she now saw, a horrible existence as broodmares to beings obsessed with her very existence. They – the Clara's – were her responsibility, and she was afraid of it.

"Leave her alone, please! Let her go." She said emptily, and saw her echo stare at her in shock.

The Doctor was yelling in her ear, but all she could comprehend was the silence in the room, before the leaders reply.

"No."

"Please, you have taken everything from her! I am the original, she is just an echo; you can let her go!" she cried, her eyes darting to the many figures in the room slowly moving towards her once again.

"We need both of you. We need all of you not already dead to create the ultimate race" he replied, smiling, as if her pleading pleased him.

"You have _infinite_ numbers to choose from, just let one go!" she shouted, shaking, but once again she was denied.

Acceptance washed over her, and it chilled her to the bone. The Doctor could not be allowed to enter here. And she would not live the life they planned for her – that left only one option.

"I'm sorry Doctor," she whispered, shaking still, as she suddenly batted the hands trying to touch her away. "Stay back!" she shouted, and pulled from her small bag and explosive.

The TARDIS had placed it on her bed before she left. Had she known? Or had she just sensed the danger? Clara didn't know. All she knew was that at that moment, despite their differences, she loved the TARDIS with all her heart.

"You will not have us. We are living beings. We have value beyond your wants. We will live and die with dignity." Clara could see from the corner of her eye her echo smiling.

She did not know what she expected, but it certainly wasn't laughter.

"We exist beyond this reality. The materiality of this dimension does not affect us, does not hurt us, We will return, even if these bodies are broken, all you will succeed in doing is killing yourself. We saw this happening, as it must."

Clara's eyes widened. She was the ultimate frontiersman, even if accidentally. A pioneer. She had gone past the final frontier, and found new ones. She thought she understood the universe, but she now realised she had no idea.

Even if she could not destroy these beings, death would be enough for her.

 _Coward._ She pushed the thought down, as she prepared to abandon her other selves, the ones who could not escape through a quick death.

She could hear the Doctor shouting as he scrambled around the TARDIS, heard his pulling levers, begging for her not to do what she planned to.

She turned the dial for 15 seconds. It was – like her TARDIS created communicator – organic, using volatile substances and clockwork machinery to work, meaning it worked despite the energy field surrounding the temple. Placing it on the floor, she expected the beings to fight her, and so she readied herself for a struggle, but all they did was stare in reverence.

10 seconds.

Clara looked at her echo. "I'm so sorry," she said through tears, to both the Doctor and her echo.

"I forgive you," her echo replied, smiling still as she waited for her death.

5 seconds.

Clara breathed in deep, closing her eyes. She thought of Danny, of her Father, of her mother. Of all the people to whom goodbyes never meant enough. She hoped her Father didn't miss her too much, that her disappearance didn't break him like the death of her mother had. She hoped that the distance she had created between herself and the world since her first departure from it and Danny's death was enough to soften the blow. Enough to help him understand that she had never belonged to it. Her existence was a gentle accident, she blew in on a leaf, and now she would blow out if it in violence.

Suddenly, she heard a shout of victory, and felt a strange sensation overcome her, of motion, the indescribable sense of travel she always felt on the Tardis. Immediately her hand flew to the communicator on her ear – the Doctor must have hacked it to pull her out of the temple.

 _No!_ It was a fleeting thought, but strong in its impact, as her death was taken away from her. Betrayal flashed on the face of her echo, as she was pulled from doom to the safety of the Tardis.

She dropped to the floor, sobbing, and felt the Doctor pick her up as she refused to stop, setting her down onto one of the cushy sofas.

In the distance she heard the explosion, as only one life of many was truly taken.

"It's all my fault," she sobbed, rocking, as the doctor shushed her quietly.

"No, it's mine. If it wasn't for me, you never would have had to do it." He said, his usually steady voice shaking.

"They knew you would save me, that's why they didn't try to stop me. They know they'll see me again. Those girls Doctor! Those beings, they have so many of them, so many of me! I can't separate out how many there are, but I can feel them now, teeming under my skin, all their suffering. It's all my fault!"

He held her in his arms, not saying anything, because what was there to say?

They had done what was supposed to happen. The Doctor had told her that some events are fixed, and entering his time stream was one of them. She had used her agency to choose to do what she did, but her echoes had one. She had given them life, but had taken their ability to choose.

A horrible thought came to her. If the beings created humanity, her world, her universe, they knew what would and wouldn't happen, as they had demonstrated in the temple. If her entering the time stream was fixed, and they knew all that would happen, did she really have agency? Or was she like her echoes? Were all her actions determined, all determined to both 'save the doctor', and to be the servant of the whims of these beings?

Was she really free from them? Would she ever be?

All she knew was that she would see them again, and she didn't know what she would do when she did.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey guys, sorry for the huge wait. This story kind of freaks me out. When I'm writing it, I just think _What is wrong with me?_ It makes me way too philosophical! Sorry if this chapter is a bit of a mess – I wrote a different version of it months ago, but my computer rebooted and I lost it. I didn't post it because it was even creepier than this. I have ideas as to where this story will go, but it will be a bit all over the place (and a bit pretentious, but I guess that's how I write), so I'm sorry in advance for any inconsistencies, but this is quite interesting to write, as I had loaaaaaaaaaads of questions left after they 'resolved' the impossible girl storyline.

Please rate and review! It feeds me J


End file.
